I feel so far away from you.
Fearing that this distance between us means I have no voice.
Understanding that every feeling I shove down only resurfaces at a multiplied rate.
Feeling lost and like I have no control.
Wanting nothing more then to support you.
Learning how to do that when I too am in need of support and understanding.
Afraid of being irrational.
Feeling like a shameful secret that will never see the light.
Hoping you will tell me you love me and that you would never risk us.
But you have never intended to risk us.
And you do love me.
I really need to hear that you love me.
I am constantly tested, finding my threshold for patience and pain.
But I always lose.
Waiting desperately to be with you and feel your love always.
Wondering why I feel so powerless in this decision.
Selfishly wishing you were home with me.
Wanting to see the world with you.
Instead of waiting for you.
Feeling insecure of my place.
Afraid of so many things right now.
Afraid to come home.