Taking the long road
No decisions can be undone. There is a history of the immeasurable choices we make, and while we cycle them out of our minds so that only the freshest decisions remain, should the need present itself, we can remember back. These decisions, good or otherwise are often reminders of split paths. My life is a long and winding spiderweb of paths. The road I take is constantly split, and I find that...
I want it all.
Choosing a career above all else has never been a goal of mine. I have consistently believed that women can have it all. A love, a family, a life…I am now beginning to think that one can have all of these things, but in stages. I have yet to find a balance that incorporates these three pieces of happiness into one whole. Perhaps it is still achievable - I like to think that it is. But as I...
You can say that I'm a dreamer
“Follow your dreams,” They say. This statement is presented as an absolution of living. If you aren’t doing this, you are failing. They don’t tell you everything. Something as romantic as following your dreams is often a misguided illusion or a set up for failure. Dreams are often shallow, vain, and selfish. I would suppose, that is the point of dreaming. That these...
A Modern Fairytale
There once was a princess Who didn’t need saving She knew what she wanted And showed up to claim it She lived a good life And loved who she was But could never find someone To love as she does She wanted a prince To stand by her side Instead every prince Seemed foolish with pride All wanted a princess Who had a pet dragon Who was codependent And lived life on the wagon ...
Walking on Broken Glass
My heart has shattered. Though the cracks have been present for quite some time, when the hammer was finally swung, the intensity of the blow was a surprise. Cracks have an interesting way of spider webbing across a surface. No matter how much you wish to contain them, slowly they crawl across the rest of the solid piece until the day comes when there is nothing solid remaining. All you can do...
Someday I Will Be 30
Everyone has a checklist of things they would like done before this monumental day, but mine is no where to be found. I had one, once upon a time…I thought I would be married, with children, with a house and a dog. Instead, I live alone in a studio apartment that doesn’t allow dogs, in love with a man who probably has too much going on to really give me what I am looking for, and...
A Movie for No One
For my life to be the best possible movie, you needed to wait for the last possible second to realize how much you loved me. But you left. Then you came back. And ever since then, my life has been a movie that no one would watch. I sit in the shadows, a doomed protagonist. I am the leading lady. And I deserve a man who treats me as such. I have become the pathetic friend in someone else’s...
My Fateful Decision
I don’t believe in fate. I believe that the choices we make each day determine where we end up. That the answers to each question are not preset, but that the possibilities are endless. I believe that the choices I have made have led me here and all I can do is own this place. Not every choice is good, some are questionable, some hurtful, some immature, some wise. But I no longer sit up...
I need guidance. I need help. I need patience. I need hope. I need time. I need hugs. I need love. I need trust. I need honesty. I need faith. I need a push. I need a challenge. I need freedom. I need music. I need a home run. I need lazy Sundays. I need a halo. I need a rock. I need family. I need sun when it’s cold out. I need dance parties. I need a back seat driver. I need smiles. I need...
I feel like I’m standing still. Not moving forward, not backward, just spinning in place. The redundancy in my daily life is beginning to take it’s toll and I am ready for a change. The last 2 years have been full of growth, progress, invention, and discovery. Now, as I enter the months that were the most difficult for me last year, I realize upon reflection that I am standing in the...
I make it a point to put my feet in the ocean every time I see it. If I don’t connect my body with that moment, who’s to say I was ever really there in the first place? I need the sand between my toes. I need the water to wash over me. I need to appreciate the temperature of the water and connect with the place I stand. I need to be reminded that the world is bigger then I am. That...
I went to say goodbye to my house on Friday and the yard was overgrown with weeds. A poetic parallel to my life I suppose…The new owners will clean up the yard and erase the ugly that was left there. New memories will begin, hopefully happier ones then I remember. New flowers will begin to grow and Spring will bring new life to a house that has only known winter’s death for the last...
What a Difference
“What a difference a year makes.” That’s what people say. At this time last year I had given my heart away and since that time have anxiously waited for life to destroy me. I am impatiently waiting to find myself on the ground collecting the bits and pieces of my broken life. But how much of a difference have I really made? To many, I’m sure it seems painfully obvious...
My Lost Art
It struck me last night how karaoke is an exact parallel of my real life. This may sound ridiculous, but you would be surprised by how intelligent I become after three whiskey’s when this epiphany occurred. Karaoke is merely a form of expression. One that is perhaps undervalued due to the level of intoxicated people who participate. That being said, many artists of my generation and before...
It's All Relative
I am not the first person to stand up for their truth, and I am not the first to question if I made the right decision. I see where others are in their lives and understand that what is on the surface may not accurately represent the layers underneath. That everyone is fighting their own demons and that my own trials and tribulations are not so original and tragic. While I have suffered, I am...
My intuition can almost always be trusted. The problem is, I already know this. I know that when I feel something in my gut it is not meant to be ignored. However, there have been several times in the last year that I have ignored it. Ignored the thoughts, the questions, the doubts and let myself be talked out of what I know to be true. That some things aren’t worth the pain. That to...
A Page A Day. My Way
I have always found that the longer I wait to get started, the longer it takes for me to finish. I often find myself alone without any ability to show my work or speak my thoughts. This blog will serve as a platform. My thoughts and my artwork are mine alone, but what good could they possibly be if mine is all they remain? This is my chance to speak. My opportunity to be heard. Thank you for...