I feel like I’m standing still.
Not moving forward, not backward, just spinning in place. The redundancy in my daily life is beginning to take it’s toll and I am ready for a change. The last 2 years have been full of growth, progress, invention, and discovery. Now, as I enter the months that were the most difficult for me last year, I realize upon reflection that I am standing in the same spot. So many things are different though. I am different. How can I still be standing in the same place? I must break free from the cement my feet have found themselves in. I must be brave and press on.
I make it a point to put my feet in the ocean every time I see it.
If I don’t connect my body with that moment, who’s to say I was ever really there in the first place? I need the sand between my toes. I need the water to wash over me. I need to appreciate the temperature of the water and connect with the place I stand. I need to be reminded that the world is bigger then I am. That greatness is everywhere and that I am one small piece of it.
I went to say goodbye to my house on Friday and the yard was overgrown with weeds. A poetic parallel to my life I suppose…The new owners will clean up the yard and erase the ugly that was left there. New memories will begin, hopefully happier ones then I remember. New flowers will begin to grow and Spring will bring new life to a house that has only known winter’s death for the last year and a half. Now I can start removing all of the other weeds in my life and give space for new experiences and love to grow.
“What a difference a year makes.”
That’s what people say.
At this time last year I had given my heart away and since that time have anxiously waited for life to destroy me. I am impatiently waiting to find myself on the ground collecting the bits and pieces of my broken life.
But how much of a difference have I really made? To many, I’m sure it seems painfully obvious that I am entering the 29th year of my life as my strongest and best self. I am independent, I work hard, I am musical, I am artistic. But to those who think this about me, here is what I say to you:
I was this person a year ago. I have just gotten louder.